Whenever I do a message or a series on relationships, my phone and e-mail activity increases because marriage problems are brought to the surface. This suggests, I'm afraid, that bad marriages have almost become commonplace among church members, leaders, and even staff. But what is the church to do about the problems marriages face today? What role do we have in reversing the divorce rate? Certainly ...
Activities are a great way to explore the dynamics of a relationship and to help couples avoid devastating conflict by addressing it before it begins. Here is one pastor's three-step process. Consider how it, or another set of activities, could augment your church's counseling.
First Session
In the first counseling session, I use a kit that includes two duplicate sets of 85 cards. On the front of each ...
I have found that giving creative assignments to the couple promotes their own in-depth preparation for marriage and helps me save some time. These projects make the actual counseling sessions much more effective. Here are six different assignments I've used.
1. Paraphrase Ephesians 5:21–33. I ask the couple to write separate paraphrases, encouraging them to enlarge, expand, and personalize the ...
Nearly-Wed Fight Club Planning a disagreement in counseling helps a couple learn to fight clean. Rich Knight
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How a couple fights tells me how they will handle most of the problems of married life. For this reason, I conduct three counseling sessions with each couple I marry. In the first, I get to know them, learn their story, and share our wedding-planning notebook. In the second, I watch them fight. In the third, we plan the ceremony.
Officiating the Fight Session
First, I ask the couple if they have something ...
One of the first steps in re-marital counseling is taking an honest look at the first marriage. Have both parties describe their previous relationships in the presence of their future spouse. Then, ask each partner what steps they have taken to resolve the problems that led to their divorce. Have they accepted their share of responsibility? Have they sought forgiveness? ...
A second marriage comes with all the complications of a first marriage, plus a few of its own. Unfortunately, churches are often ill equipped to meet the needs of second-marriage couples. For example, among the greatest need for couples entering a second marriage is help in building new stepfamilies. Disagreement over parenting styles alone is enough to put a second marriage in peril. So, while churches ...
When I am asked to marry an unchurched couple, I assume four things:
God is giving me an opportunity to discuss the nature and quality of Christian marriage with them.
This may be the first time they have ever turned to the church for help. My response will influence whether they see the church as cold and unresponsive or open to those outside its fellowship.
Some shred of spiritual awareness has prompted them to seek marriage in the church.
Cohabitation is not an abstract phenomenon written about in sociological journals; it's a reality facing pastors no matter the size or location of a church. Almost all the pastors I talk to indicate that they've been approached by cohabiting couples for a wedding. Certainly the prevalence of and the casual attitude toward cohabitation argue for a clear and consistent approach to these couples by pastors. ...
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