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Ask the Experts Discussion: Clint and Penny Bragg

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What are some common myths about marriages in the church? How do you respond to them?

Clint and Penny Bragg responds in our Ask the Experts discussion.

Topics:	Family, Health, Marriage, Shepherding
Filters:	Church board, Counseling, Divorce care, Family ministry, Shepherd
Date Added:	September 09, 2009

Total Reader Responses: 3 (see below)

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Myth 1: Marriage doesn't need to be a top priority in the church.

The church should serve as a central hub that intentionally and proactively supports marriages at all levels and on all fronts. Becoming intentional about the importance and value of marriage means much more than just hosting date nights and occasional marriage seminars, which is all many churches offer today. At the very least, the church's marriage ministry must consist of healthy relationship and dating classes for youth, pre-marriage preparation courses, a ministry of reconciliation for troubled marriages, and programs to strengthen healthy marriages. If a marriage is healthy, the family is healthy. If the family is healthy, the church will be healthy.

Myth 2: When only one spouse wants to work on the marriage, there is little hope of reconciliation.

God can heal a marriage, one spouse at a time. Countless times, we've witnessed the reconciliation of a troubled marriage because one spouse focused on deepening their individual relationship with God as their first priority and then prayed faithfully for their marriage. Couples or individuals who find themselves in crisis must immediately be directed to take their eyes off their circumstances and focus on their own relationship with God. Consistently asking, "God, how do you want to change my heart?" is critical to the reconciliation process.

There is a growing network of support for individuals who are separated but desire to reconcile. A pastor and Christian counselor are components of that support system, but these folks cannot shoulder the burden alone. A trained first-response team, which will immediately minister to struggling individuals or couples, is the key to an effective, marriage-saving reaction from the local church. Divorce recovery classes or singles ministries are not appropriate places to send a person who is separated. Instead, churches should consider offering ongoing "Marriage 911" classes for couples in crisis or individuals who are separated. Having a trained mentor couple walk alongside a couple in crisis is also helpful.

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Pastor Johnson Ocansey (Guest)

Posted: September 11, 2009

Dear Kim, As a Christian marriage counsellor, I wud 1st of all ask U not to take any decision that wud close the "back door". The back door is the opportunity for ur spouse to reconsider his position and back into the relationship. Next, U shud not blame urself entirely for the situation however, take on a fair share, for it takes two to agree in order to walk, Amos 3:3. Then work on urself by refreshing ur relationship with God. Even if U think U R ok, refresh it. U can't have too much of God. Seek to be realistic and at the same time reason for a deeper revelation of life. If it pleases the Lord He'll make a way, if not may His will be done. Next, go on! U have rightly decided to do - to sort urself out; a job, solid relationship with the kids but spend time meaningfully with family, friends ur Everlasting Father! Strengthen what U hav and build on from there. Last but not least, have faith for there's nothing impossible for God to do! Don't close the back door! God b wit U

cory (Guest)

Posted: September 11, 2009

Hi my wife and I live in South Africa and we do marriage seminars on a regular basis, would you like to sit in?.....only joking! A very good seminar is House and Home with Walk thru the Bible, connect with them and find out who is having one and where. Another great option is The 5 love languages (Gary Chapman) please believe if 1(one) is willing to work on the marraige God can do great things....divorce is the problem and not the answer Kind regards Cory

Kim (Guest)

Posted: September 10, 2009

How do you find and join such support groups. I am currently living in a situation where my husband says he does not want to be married any longer but he does not want to leave the house. I have not worked in over a year but I am currently seeking employment so that I can move myself and the kids out. I really want it to work and I am seeking God but it seems as if he has not heard and no answer will come. I really need the help, even if the relationship does not survive I need self help to recover and heal.