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 The Mixed-Gender TeamHow men and women can work in sync
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Disrespect of women runs deep. If that were not the case, then why does it appear that the ultimate jeer against manhood is to call a man a woman? And why is it so laughable for men to think of having women role models? Recently I asked a group of pastors to name the women in Scripture whom they pray to emulate. They laughed. Following that, I said, "If women in Scripture, including the woman whom Jesus said should be remembered for anointing him, are not upheld as role models, then how can women today be lifted up as role models in the church? How can women today be taken seriously when they speak?" I know very few women who feel listened to in staff meetings where men and women both are present. Almost every woman I know who serves in ministry with men feels she's given too little space in group discussions. Granted, some women tend to meander when they talk and thereby burden the group rather than stating their remarks more concisely. But what I'm talking about here is more subtle. Though Christian men routinely are polite to Christian women and sincerely wish them well, they put them in an awkward situation while working together. On one hand, men want women to quickly get to the bottom line. On the other hand, they desire to hear the special insight women offer. If a pastor wants to access women's insight, he has to let women talk freely. Pastors have to listen and engage the conversation with patience and expectancy alike. Personally I've been listened to a lot. The lead pastor at New Song Church, where I serve, literally invites me to "interrogate" his ideas and give the best feedback I can. He's not threatened by my input. On the contrary, he appreciates hearing what I, and other women, have to say. For women in less welcoming environments, being sought out for critique simply doesn't happen. In many settings, women struggle to be heard at all. In many settings, a woman who asserts herself by jumping into the conversation is likely to be labeled as pushy. Some churches are way beyond having these issues. I can think of several I know in which women at every level feel esteemed. But overall, I can think of far more in which women feel disrespected. To clarify, I'm not talking primarily about women who want to be senior pastors feeling disrespected. I'm talking about women who work as lawyers in society or mothers who stay home to raise their kids. This fall I got a letter from some stay-at-home mothers in Texas who wrote to let me know of their idea to write a book to all the un-esteemed mothers who feel totally invisible in the church. How can those women effectively communicate that they feel disrespected? More generally, how can women say to men that their desire to be respected is really no different from a man's? With regard to church ministry teams, what does it mean for male ministers to pay respect to females? Here's a short list of suggestions: |             | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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