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 The Heart of the IssueLoving Your Prodigal What can parents do when a child turns her back on family and faith?
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And clearly, faith has an impact. Strong families make Christ the center of the home in a healthy, positive, realistic way. The family devotions, praying for one another, praying for the child, demonstrating through your own choices what it means to live for God, these all make faith real for children and help them see that God is someone they can turn to, not someone to fear or turn against. But again, parents can do all these things and still have a prodigal child. It simply happens. You mentioned early signs of rebellion. What are they? As I said, some of these signs are found in a child's temperament. There are children who fall into the category of being oppositional. These kids will challenge authority at every turn. They tend to be negative and stubborn just for the sake of being defiant. There are also children who don't act out their defiance in an aggressive way but tend to do their own thing or simply ignore what other people want or need. Our daughter, Sheryl, was more of a creative child who liked to explore and dream. She always wanted to do things a little left of center. That may have contributed to her rebellion. But keep in mind that just as there's no guarantee a child won't rebel, these personality traits don't mean a child is destined to become a prodigal. They are simply clues that what worked for the other children in the family might not work for this child. There has been a lot of discussion about the parents of the boys involved in the Columbine shootings. From the outside, it seems like there were some signs that weren't picked up. Of course there are kids who are so secretive that even an involved parent wouldn't see disaster coming. We'll never know if the parents of those boys could have done something differently. But I think most of the time, parents who pay attention to their kids all along the way can spot changes in behavior or attitude that signal trouble. Then they can get help before the problems turn into something tragic. How does a parent maintain that kind of awareness with an 11-year-old who insists on privacy or a 14-year-old who won't talk about anything? Be observant. Keep your eyes and ears open. Listen to what the kids are saying. Listen to what they're not saying. Listen with your eyes. We hear more with our eyes than we do with our ears. Research on listening suggests that 7 percent of what we take from a conversation is based on the content of what is said, 38 percent is based on tone of voice, 55 percent is based on non-verbal signals, such as the way the speaker is sitting or what she does with her hands. Parents need to watch their kids. Hear what they're saying. Have an open door where they can bring the friends over. And know something about the families of these friends, too. |             |
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