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Because we do not rest we lose our way. There are at least two kinds of tired in this world. One is what I call "good tired." This is the tiredness we experience after a job well done, a task accomplished out of the best of who we are. This is a temporary condition, and when it comes, we know that after an appropriate period of rest and recuperation we will soon be back in the swing of things. But there is another kind of tired that is more ominous; it is what I call "dangerous tired." This condition is deeper and more serious than the temporary exhaustion that follows times of periodic intensity in our schedules and workloads. The difference between "good tired" and "dangerous tired" is like the difference between the atmospheric conditions that produce harmless spring rain clouds and those that result in the eerie green tint of the sky that portends the possibility of a tornado. When the sky is an angry green, something doesn't feel right and you know you had better pay attention. One atmospheric condition is normal and predictable; the other is risky and volatile. Dangerous tired is an atmospheric condition of the soul that is volatile and portends the risk of great destruction. It is a chronic inner fatigue accumulating over months (and sometimes years) that doesn't always manifest itself in physical exhaustion. In fact, dangerous tiredness can appear to be quite the opposite because it can actually be masked by excessive activity and compulsive overworking. When we are dangerously tired we feel out of control, compelled to constant activity by inner impulses that we may not even be aware of. For some reason we can't name, we're not able to linger and relax over a cup of coffee. We can't keep from checking voice-mail or e-mail "just one more time" before we leave the office or before we go to bed at night. Rather than reading anything for the sheer pleasure of it, our nightstand is piled high with books and professional journals that cram our heads full of more information that will keep us at "the top of our game." The idea of taking a full day off once a week seems impossible both in theory and in practice. We rarely, if ever, take time for a real break or vacation, choosing instead to work through holidays and break times. Not surprisingly, we might find that even when it is time for well-deserved sleep or rest, we are unable to relax and receive this necessary gift. While our way of life might seem heroic, there is a frenetic quality to our activity that is disturbing to those around us. When we do have discretionary time we indulge in escapist behaviors such as compulsive eating, drinking, spending, television watching—because we are too tired to choose activities that are truly life-giving. When we have drifted into the realm of being dangerously tired, we might also be numb to the full range of human emotion. It might seem like a relief to be unhampered by the negative emotions that bog other people down, but when we are dangerously tired the positive emotions become elusive as well. We don't feel much of anything—the good or the bad. |
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