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Coaching from the Sideline
Instead of providing answers to problems, this mentoring strategy guides people to devise their own plays.
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"What's coaching?" Carlos asked. I told him that coaching is an approach to help people find solutions and take the actions to realize a more fruitful future. It uses four basic skills. Coaching skill 1: Listening"That seems totally backward," Carlos said. "You're the denominational worker. I'd rather listen to you. Why don't you just tell me what to do?" He didn't yet understand the importance of listening. I explained that I didn't have any advice to give him. In fact, I had no idea what he ought to do, because I had never been in his situation. That's why in coaching, the coach actively listens. Carlos asked if our sessions would require him to relive all the pain that had brought him to his present crisis. Would he have to spill his guts, perhaps while lying on a sofa? I assured Carlos that as his coach, I would not be listening as a counselor, therapist, or even a pastor. The purpose of my listening would be strategic. I would listen to help him discover what meaningful actions he could take to improve his situation. Coaching is distinct from therapy in that it focuses on how the present can shape the future. Therapy and counseling usually focus on how the present has been shaped by the past. As Carlos began telling his story, he focused upon his desire to serve a church with a more contemporary style. But as he talked, it became apparent that this was not his real need, that his deeper desire was to be part of a healthy ministry team. This was a huge insight for him, and it came by simply giving him the space to talk though what he really wanted. Coaching skill 2: InquiringCoaching is an art of constructive dialogue, and it involves a lot of questions. Carlos was delighted when I told him this. "Good," he said, "because I have lots of questions, and I'm really hoping you have some answers for me." I reminded Carlos that it would do little good for him to ask questions. I wasn't the one with answers. Coaches ask questions to help clients discover the answers. Coaching assumes the person closest to the problem typically has the best answer, but he or she cannot get to it without help from someone skilled in asking the right questions. This is different from the process used by mentors, guides, or consultants, who typically deliver answers based upon their own stories and experiences. My first coaching session with Carlos involved a series of inquiries. Q (me): It sounds like your current situation is really draining you. Rather than focusing on the negative, describe a time when you were at your best. A (Carlos): In my previous position, I helped lead a team that put together a community outreach ministry using sports. It was a huge success, and I had a lot of fun doing it. I felt like I really flourished there. |             |
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