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When You're Hurt by the Church
Letting go of victimhood. Also of Interest
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You may have been abused by shepherds who should have restored you but instead chose to condemn you (or worse). Or perhaps you have been neglected by churchgoers who should have cared enough to seek you out and return you to the flock. I do not deny that many of us have been victims of the sinful, selfish, and hurtful acts of those in and around the church.
But we must also acknowledge the real possibility that sometimes we choose to remain victims when we have the opportunity to move on. It is a waste of our spiritual potential to fixate on how events of the past could have or should have been different. Most of us who have been hurt could persuade any jury that the treatment we received from other Christians should have been different. But here is the truth: THINGS ARE NOT DIFFERENT. No amount of time spent dwelling on how another sheep hurt us or should have done something different will change our present situation. Imagine that you have been shot and rushed to the emergency room. Would you spend all of your time worrying about who shot you? Or do you think your first concern might be to survive? With physical hurts, we immediately seek help. But emotional and spiritual hurts seem to engender a response unlike any other wound. When we are "shot" by people in the church, we tend to focus on the shooter, not the Healer. This is one of our Enemy's most effective distraction strategies—he knows that healing is available, and he does not want us to get it. Satan would have us forget that being broken is an integral part of God's plan for our growth. The apostle Paul, who begged God to remove his affliction, came to an important realization: And then he told me, "My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness." Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9, The Message) Paul "quit focusing on the handicap." This action is essential to recovery. Sadly, many of us stop acting when we are broken, but this point of resignation is just short of the point where we can receive God's healing. No More ObstaclesIn the Gospel of John we see an example of how Christ asked a seeker to leave his woundedness behind, knowing that he could never again fall back on that as his identity. Soon another Feast came around and Jesus was back in Jerusalem. Near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem there was a pool, in Hebrew called Bethesda, with five alcoves. Hundreds of sick people—blind, crippled, paralyzed—were in these alcoves. One man had been an invalid there for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, "Do you want to get well?"
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Heart %%var.lastname%%
I believe that you do mean well, but I have never understood mindsets like yours. I don't think your comparison of emotional hurt and physical hurt is well-taken. If I were in the hospital because I was hit by a drunk driver, I would not feel any sense of betrayal, because I don't know the person and have no reason to expect better from him. Those of us who have been hurt by Christians, especially those in leadership, feel betrayed. That's why the wounds linger. Respecting church authorities is one thing, but when they're bullies who preferred to lead by intimidation, then it's only natural for the wounds to linger. And I have a hard time believing that the man at the pool relished being a victim of circumstance. He was simply stating facts. Many of us want to forgive, believe me, but what do you do when you're bombarded with memories of the cruel things said to you by those who should look out for you? I'd like to see much more compassion toward hurting Christians.
Headrick %%var.lastname%%
I can totally relate to the experience in this article. I have simply played the victim too long and with the help of God I'm going to refuse to entertain those thoughts, pray for healing, thank God for healing, and know He promises us Peace and I believe that.
Anonymous
LOL. This article is not realistic. We cannot heal ourselves, because we are not the healer. Nor can we just forget things as if we have amnesia. We have three parts: a soul, body, and spirit. Granted I wish that we could all just let it go as if it had never happen, but it is unrealistic to believe that there will not be changes in a person. Nor is it realistic to believe that we just give it to God and we are done. That is the main reason that there are so many depressed Christians, because we asked them to do something that is impossible. When Jesus rose from the dead were the marks still in his hands? He healed everyone else, but yet he had scars. The depths of the wounds will determine the healing. If you want the article to be realistic you should have written it as if and when God heals us then we will be healed. Maybe the pain and brokenness that we have obtained through church hurt will never go away. Maybe just as Jacob walked with a limp we will also have a limp.
Yolanda Farrar
I love the previous comment TA:)!!! He will fix it, through it all! HE IS ABLE!
John Stimpson
Although I appreciate your view for those who have been spiritually abused to simply "move on" you are being incredibly rigid. You are, in a way, facilitating the ideal that those whose who have been spiritually and negligently abused (such as myself) should simply move on and "get a life" without recompense. What you fail to understand is the severe impact which leaving a cult/abusive church entails. That you do not comprehend. Those who have abused us have ridden us of our appendages, and require not only our left arm, but also our right. My self-being was ripped from my soul, yet you declare that it is immoral for men such as myself to repel such men of ill fate. I have spent years of counseling because such men who declare their self-righteousness over GOD's flock. (Yes Gods, and not man's) Shame on you.
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