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Ungrieving Grievances
Complaints to the board need not ruin its effectiveness.
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The first few complaints our board received from a particular man upset us greatly and received much attention. However, as time passed and the grievances continued (I never imagined there could be that many things wrong with one church!), we began to expect gripes from this man. After a while, we discovered the problems didn't originate with him but with his wife. While these facts didn't necessarily invalidate the complaints, they did serve to temper our reactions. Another common source of grievances is what we call the "former power broker." This is the person who once wielded great influence but no longer does, and who resents his or her diminished status. One such individual presented a list of complaints to our board—such petty things as the fact that the pastor's children play in the nursery while he's in his office. The board recognized this person was complaining about everyone ministering in the church. They saw the charges were more from an attempt to regain power than a legitimate desire to rectify wrongs. Considering the source helped ungrieve the grievances. A word of caution: While the gripes of certain people should be taken with a grain of salt, they should never be ignored. In both cases mentioned, the individuals were deeply committed to the church. Gripers often love the church—they just have an odd way of showing it. This love needs to be redirected, but never disregarded. One way I've found to refocus this love is to assign gripers some specific area of labor in which they can feel a sense of control. In the case of the disgruntled former power broker, we asked her to help handle the church's accounting, and she has excelled at this and left others in peace. Ascertain the FactsIt is crucial, when gripes come, that the facts be found. One charge brought against me was that I had allowed the church to pay a traffic ticket for me. Certainly, my accuser said, it was improper for the congregation's money to be spent on my driving indiscretions. I agreed. The treasurer settled the matter quickly when he produced the "ticket"—a parking receipt from a hospital where I had gone to visit the sick wife of a board member! Early in my ministry, one board member called frequently to let me know a new grievance had arisen. "Everyone is upset!" he would exclaim. I was frightened by his calls and began to consider alternative jobs. However, after several such calls over a few years, I finally asked the crucial question: "Who is everyone?" As it turned out, "everyone" was this man and his wife. |             |
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