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How to be your Pastor's Friend
4 rules for navigating this unique friendship.
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As far as I am able, I never criticize my pastor in front of other people. The pastor's ability to function depends largely on the respect he commands in the congregation. Anything I do to lessen that respect diminishes his effectiveness. Consequently, I try to avoid arguing with him publicly. This is something I have not always done well. At an officers' retreat several years ago, our pastor was leading a discussion of the church's master plan. I thought the plan was incomprehensible and of little utility, and I said so, in essence, through a couple of rather pointed questions. What a jerk! Afterward I felt I had abused our friendship. Furthermore, nothing positive came of my comments. The master plan remains to this day, the entire discussion is long forgotten, and the direction of the church was unaffected by my opinions. By publicly criticizing my friend and pastor—or at least the work he was doing—I broke my own rule: My remarks were public and not private. If I had said nothing, the discussion simply would have ended sooner and we could have spent time on a more useful topic. That blunder renewed my commitment to present ideas and concerns privately, particularly if I think my pastor is headed down a wrong path. In private, he has a greater opportunity to change his mind without appearing to buckle under pressure. If I am not able to communicate my concern face to face (the preferred method), then I write a letter. Letter writing is a good discipline. We sometimes realize the brutality of our remarks as we reread them, and then we have opportunity to rethink the things we say. Paul begins and ends his most critical letters with assurances of God's love and his love for the people. Our pastors need the same assurance of our love whenever we offer advice. Rule 3: Never just complainRather than just complain, I attempt to propose a solution. To complain without proposing a solution (and without being willing to be part of that solution) is merely to turn my irritation into the pastor's burden. It is unfair. We also ought to wait a while before being critical. Allowing time between our initial irritation and our comments can be merciful. I also try to judge the spiritual issues involved. A Sunday school teacher leading the class down heretical paths is unjustifiable; running out of coffee between services is inconvenient. Since one is a spiritual issue of great consequence, and the other is not, they ought to be handled differently. Many minor items can be ignored. |             | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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